UPnP - What do I do now???

I'm having typical "local only" internet results. I'm "online" but way, way
more slowly than I like. Microsoft says "basic" connectivity shouldn't be an
issue. Well, it is. Anyway, this is the result of my UPnP test:

Test 5 - UPnP Support Test Not supported


Result:
The operating system is Windows Vista
The firewall is disabled
UPnP is enabled by the firewall
UPnP services are running
UPnP Discovery is enabled
Detecting Internet Gateway Devices on the network
0 IGD(s) found
Failed to find any Internet Gateway Devices

What does this mean I need to do to fix this problem? I want to be online,
connected to the web, with the tiny little globe on in my icon tray showing
I'm online.

Any help would be more than appreciated.

Thanks!